Hap Hazzard

Intro : The main character in this story are 'Hap Hazzard' and 'Tricky Doogan' ( both Human ) and with a cameo by their friends Luigi and Ron ( who share the boby ! ) Steve Dillon is an artist who has drawn many stories, which is why it seems strange that when he writes a series of single episode stories that the art is such unimportant part of it. The following tale does not need the brillant artwork of Steve Dillon in fact most of it is covered of the lettering needed.

Hap Hazzard Series Index

Hap Hazzard ( Future Shock )      Prog 561  Date 13/2/88   Pages 4
Hap Hazzard 2                     Prog 567  Date 26/3/88   Pages 3
Hap Hazzard 3                     Prog 588  Date 20/8/88   Pages 5
Hap Hazzard 4 Life...             Prog 609  Date 14/1/89   Pages 4
Hap Hazzard 5                     Prog 610  Date 21/1/89   Pages 5

All Written and Drawn by Steve Dillon with lettering by Tom Frame
All published in 2000AD and not reprinted ( I think? )

Then...in 2000AD Prog. 1164 (06-12 Oct 1999), there appears a NEW Hap Hazzard Hap Hazzard: Another Epic of Love,Death and Dry-Cleaning Pages 7

Script: Hayden Nash, Art: Steve Dillon, Colours:Dylan Teague
Truely bizarre, this Steve Dillon artwork from 1990 must have got lost, and found in time for Comics 99 festival where compitetion was held to write a script.. the winner was published. [Note: different page size and that this is a first hap hazzard with colour]

Transcript of Hap Hazzard orginally published in 2000AD prog. 609, 14 Jan 1989
Script and Art by Steve Dillon
Formating scene setting text in box. and dialogue in play format.

Fred's planet may be a forgotten trading world on the edge of the galaxy but this doesn't mean that it people don't care about the Major subjects of Life...

In fact you often hear the loacals discussing very weighty topics in the course of their business...

1 P.M. - Art and literature... in an apartment


Hap     : What's that your watching, Tricky ?

Tricky : My favourite soap-opera SPACEWAYS MOTEL!

Hap     : You don't watch that rubbish, do you ?

Tricky : But, hap it's GREAT!

Hap     : It's got everthing! Life... Death... Intrigue... Passion...
            Only last week BLAXFLBL, the alien porter, Declared his love for MISS ELSIE, the 		
             robot cook, in a wonderful speech...
             He wept as he confessed to BRIAN, the headwaiter, that he wanted elsie as his 		
             everlasting sweetheart!
             Brian told Blaxflbl, that he may to settle for renting elsie on a time-share basis... so 		   					 
             Blaxflbl decked him with a table lamp... It's good stuff, Hap!

Tricky : One thing I'm glad I inherited from my dad is an ability to avoid getting 	
              hooked on soap-operas!
              It's a rare gift that me enough spare time to read my own weight in cheap novels!

Hap     : Didn't Joey-the-neck write a novel once ?

Tricky : Yeah... but it was never published everyboby said it was the dullest  thing 
             they'd ever read!
             Joey found this hard to understand... until a friend pointed out that he hadn't
             used any adjectives.
             This, we later discovered, was due to a childhood trauma involving some 
             particularly Gross descriptive words directed at his favourite pairs of shoes!

Hap     : Weird.

4.30 p.m. Crime and Punishment... now out on the streets


Hap     : Hello, Ron... Luigi... What've you lads been up to?

Luigi   : Not that it's any of your business, Doogan.. But we've been in court all day. Just got out.

Tricky : You mean, they let you off ?

Luigi    : Watch your mouth, Hazzard!
              As it happens, we were character witness for Wide Henry in his assault case... But he got 
              sent down anyway,
              There's no justice anymore.

Hap     : What did he do this time ?

Luigi    : He resolved an argument with joey the neck force-feeding him a two-piece pool cue.

Tricky  : Ouch! I know Joey has some strange eating habits but that's pushing it!

Ron      : Maybe... The court took a very dim view of the whole affair.

Luigi    : But I suppose it takes a pro to appreciate the subtlety in a damage like that!

Hap     : I sometimes wonder if's a good idea to hang around the Kango twins...
              I'm sure they were involved in the shooting of three-leg eddie!

Tricky	: Just because they were sitting next to eddie when he was torn apart by 	         
              bullets doesn't mean they were involved!

Hap      : Maybe not... but their failure to be distracted from their crosswork looked
              a bit suspicious!

10.35 p.m. Love and Loyalty... in a bar. the two lads are sitting at the bar drinking.

Tricky : You want another drink, Hap?
Hap : What I love, Tricky, is romance... Passion... True love!
Tricky : On an empty stomach? Brave man!
Hap : Yeah... You're right... I'll settle for a pint.: True love is a stronger brew than anything on the pumps in here!
Tricky : What's got into you? Has Sharon changed her lock again ?
Hap : Sorry, tricky... I keep thinking about this childhood sweetheart...: She really loved me, when I was fourteen, I came with the flu...; But this girl loved me so much that she decided to keep me company by; Becoming sick herself...; So rushed out and kissed the first person she could find suffering for something; infectious!; Unfortunately, the illness she contracted caused her face to puff up like a braxxian; Blubber-fish making her look a lot like the chef at the jumbo's Taco-shack!
Tricky : Yuck!
Hap : Exactly! I spent the next week months duckling into dark alleys to avoid talking to her..: I've felt guilty ever since!
Tricky : That reminds me of a girl I fancied at school...: At first I though she just playing hard to get... it took me a whole term to realise that she; Only turned up for class when she knew I was off sick!
Hap : Love's unkind, my son!

2.15am - Philosophy and religion... leaving the bar. Rain begining to start.


Hap     : Another day is done... The world keeps turning and the stars shine on unmindful of our 
              problem,

Tricky : If you're unmindful of these steps you'll break your neck!

Hap    : To live is to suffer, tricky... Though there are a few things that help lessen the pain of 
             existence...

Tricky : What are they then, O wise one ?

Hap     : You know... Things like the love of a good woman... The smile of a child... A beautiful 
              medlody... winning the occassional raffle...
              Have you ever had a religious experince, Tricky ?

Tricky : I thought so, once .. but the doctor put it down to a dodgy sea-food salad.

Hap     : Did you know, when I was a kid, I had to my prayers at bedtime... I can still remember 
              the works...
              If I die while I'm asleep,
              I pray to god my soul to keep,
              If I'm still breathing come next day,
              I pray to god I'll stay that way.

Tricky	: Touching stuff, Hap Now pray for a Cab... I'm getting a wet.

The End.

For an example of a page that NEEDS the art ( besides the fact it is one of the first stories with the brillant Kevin Walker as